This post of fish puns is just about having some good old fashioned fun. Instead of the usual informative stuff we publish on this site, we thought we’d mix it up with something a little bit silly.
But like anything we write, we had to go all-out.
So we made the biggest list of fish puns online. Whether you’re looking for something clever, funny, cute, or just plain foolish we’ve got you covered!
One-Liners
- If you keep pestering me I’m going to get a haddock
- Well I think you’re just fintastic
- That seems a bit fishy to me
- Let minnow if you have any suggestions
- He really schooled you just then
- This is the first time I’m herring about the issue
- This isn’t a consensus a-monk the group
- Any fin is possible, just don’t trout yourself!
- My dad was a fisherman, but he quit because his net income wasn’t high enough
- Well now we’re just stuck between a rock and a hard plaice!
- Anyone else want to place a bait?
- If you cross me I’ll make you feel my wrasse!
- Some people don’t like fish puns, but these are kraken me up!
- Have you thought of the solution yet or do you need some time to mullet over?
- That scientist is gilliant!
- I will love you for a krill-ion years
- I wouldn’t be cod dead wearing that
- You’re clearly a Dab hand at this
- It doesn’t get any betta than this
- Salmon, call a doctor!
- DJ’s aren’t allowed to work at fish markets because they’re always dropping the bass
- Stop spreading those fishcious rumors
- Who will be the sole survivor?
- What a load of pollocks!
- Holy carp we’re only halfway through the week
- You should make him walk the plankton for that
- Ahh you’re krilling me!
- What is this aquarium website we’ve all been herring all about?
- You betta believe it
- Stop being so koi about it
- We whaley need to turn this car around
- Oh what a load of carp
- Well salmon had to say it!
- We’re just hoping to avoid turtle disaster at this point
- You don’t have to be a brain sturgeon to figure it out
- They always want to mussel in on what everyone else is doing
- Never trust unlicensed puns – always check to see if they’re ofishal
- They have very sofishticated taste
- Keep your friends close and your anemones closer
- Carp-e diem!
- It looks like we’re piranha roll now!
- I see you’ve met my nemo-sis
- Cod you pass me the pepper?
- Dear Cod, I laughed so hard!
- I can feel that in my sole
- I’ve haddock with these shenanigans!
- The way they handled that is a-trout-cious
- I’ll bait that fish can’t swim on for much longer!
- This is neither the time nor the plaice to deal with this
- Don’t try to gillt trip me I know exactly what you’re doing
Joke-Style Puns
What did the magician say to the fisherman?
Pick a cod, any cod!
I’ve been really into this show about fishing lately
I think it’s because it has quite an amazing cast
Why is an octopus always ready for war?
They’re well-armed
What is a day do all fish dread?
Fry-day!
What is the first lesson fish learn at school?
The end of a hook is the point of no return
Where do lady fish keep their money when they’re out and about?
In an octurpurse
What game do fish like to play at parties?
Name that tuna!
What’s the laziest fish in the world?
A Kipper
Why did the fish get poor grades in school?
Because it was below sea level
Why did the shark cross the road?
To get to the other tide
What did the fish astronomer say?
The universe is infinite
What is a fish’s favorite musical instrument?
The bass drum
Why was the shark so good at singing the blues?
He’s had sole
What did the fish say when eels crashed his party?
The Moray the merrier!
My father told me to never date a fisherman
They’ll only string you along
What fish stands out the most at night?
A starfish
Where do fish sleep?
In their water beds
What was the fish that stomped all over Japan?
Codzilla
Who is the most underrated member in the fish band?
Their bass player
Why did the chef leave his job at the diner?
Because he had bigger fish to fry
What did Dorothy the fish say to get back to Kansas?
There’s no plaice like home
What did the fish say when everyone left his house?
Tanks for coming!
What did the romantic fish want?
A gill-friend
Did you hear about the brawl in the restaurant?
Three fish were battered!
Where do fish astronauts go?
Into trouter space
What country would fish live in if they could survive on land?
Finland of course!
How do fish stay updated on what’s going on in the ocean?
They read the current news
How do you make a fish chuckle?
Tell a whale of a tale
What is the staple of a healthy fish’s diet?
Plenty of vitamin sea
Why do fish never get married?
They are scared of intimasea
Why is seafood healthy?
It’s really good for your mussels
Why did the fish blush?
He saw the ocean’s bottom
What do you call a fish who doesn’t believe in violence?
A pacifisht
Why did the woman not eat her sushi?
It looked too fishy
Why are fish so successful?
They take advantage of every opportunaty
Why did the restaurant have to throw the clams out?
They were way past their shell-by-date
How do you reach out to a fish that you haven’t seen in a while?
Just drop them a line!
If you want something done right
Don’t leave it to salmon else
What happens when you mix a fish and a banker?
You get a loan shark
What is the best kind of song to listen to while fishing?
I don’t know, just something catchy!
What fish gets the most speeding tickets?
A motor pike
Why are fish so smart?
They spend all their time in schools
A fish got caught by a fisherman
Now he’s in a boatload of trouble
Where do go for a bath?
To the river basin
Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank
Why did the teenage fish get in trouble at school?
He was using his shell phone during class
I don’t always make fish puns
But when I do, I do it just for the halibut
What do you get if you cross a crab and a math teacher?
Snappy answers
What type of fish did the Russia Tsar request for dinner?
Tsardines
How do seahorses move so quickly?
They scallop
Who’s always employee of the month at the balloon factory?
The blowfish
Did you hear about the goldfish who lost all his money?
Now he’s a bronzefish
What’s the perfect fathers day gift for a fish?
A barbecue gill
Who makes sure the ocean is clean and tidy?
Mermaids
What is the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish
Who takes care of injured fish?
A sturgeon
That fisherman is a very below-average boxer
All he can throw are hooks
Why is weighing a fish so simple?
Because they come with their own scales
What swims in the sea, carries a gun, and makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather
How did the shark get into college?
Apparently it got in on a scallop-ship!
What warning did the fish teacher give to their student?
I’m going to confishcate your phone if you keep using it in class
What do fish bring to work with them each morning?
A breefcase
What kind of fish should you call if you need a ride somewhere?
A seahorse
Why do lawyers hate having a fish as a client?
They’re always gill-ty
Why do you never see fish running large companies
They prefer to operate on a smaller scale
What’s another name for a smelly fish?
A stink ray
What song do fish listen to the most?
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you drown
Who took the baby octopus for ransom?
Squidnappers!
What do you call a fish that you bring to an event?
An Octoplus one
What did the fish say when his relationship started to flounder?
Halibut we talk and figure this out?
What do you call underwater organized criminals?
Lobsters
Why did the fish have a successful career as an actor?
It was a starfish
Have you ever met a shy fish?
They’re rather koi
What kind of seafood can you get in saunas?
Steamed mussels
Did you ever hear the story of the illiterate fisherman?
He was lost at C
What is the most expensive fish in the world?
The goldfish
Did you see the fish wearing the tuxedo?
He looked very sofishticated
What did the fish say to his girlfriend?
Your plaice or mine?
Where do you find an octopus that’s going through a rough time?
On squid row!
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can’t walk
Why did the optometrist make tons of fish-eye soup?
Because it helps him see through the week
Why should fish never go into business together?
They work better as sole operators
The fish used to have a girlfriend, but eventually he lobster
Then he floundered
Why is it hard to make a fish take responsibility?
They say it’s always salmon else’s fault
How many fish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, an electric eel
What TV show do fish like the most?
Tuna Half Men
Did you hear about the fish that got injured at the gym?
He pulled a muscle
What did the fish boss say to his employee?
Cod I borrow you for five minutes?
Why don’t sharks ever pay sticker price when they’re shopping?
Because they are sale-fish
What do you get if you cross a priest with a trout?
A monkfish!
Who is the leader of the underwater transformers?
Octopus Prime
Where do fish go to work?
The offish
What did the employee say to his boss?
I’ll dolphinitely have those reports on your desk by the end of the day
Why do companies run by fish never last long?
They’re always needing to scale back
What do you call a lazy crustacean?
A slobster
What do you say to a fish when it’s getting upset?
You need to clam down
How do you get an octopus to laugh?
Give it tentacles
The chef of that extremely busy seafood restaurant seems tired all the time
Yeah, he has a lox on his plate
What does the Loch Ness Monster eat?
Fish-n-ships
What did the shark’s friends tell her when her relationship ended?
There are plenty of other fish in the sea
How do you tuna fish?
Just adjust their scales
What kind of fish go to heaven?
Angelfish
What TV shows do young fish like?
Cartunas
How did the dolphin get enough money to buy their car?
It prawned everything else!
What did the fish say when it ran into the big wall?
Dam
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
They get picked up by a clambulance
What do you call an aquatic social network?
Fishbook
What game do fish play at parties?
Salmon says
What does a fish wear to keep warm in the winter?
A shoal!
What did the nervous fish say in the haunted house?
I’m outta this plaice!
What phrase is written on fish dollar bills?
In cod we trust
Scientists have just discovered that sharks can also squirt ink
Just squidding!
Did I tell you I checked out that new seafood restaurant?
I’m totally hooked
What happened to the fish who swallowed his keys?
He got lockjaw!
Where do fish practice their yoga?
The river bend
Who do fish pray to?
Cod Almighty
Why was the fish such a valuable employee at the charity?
He was reely good at findraising
What do you get when you cross a jacket with an octopus?
A coat of arms
What’s the name for a fish that can give you a face-lift?
A plastic sturgeon
Why didn’t they like the fisherman?
Because he was too shellfish
How do fish visit their favorite websites?
They visit the internet
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a fish?
One is a scum-sucking scavenger and the other is just a fish
What do you call a naked fish?
Bareacudas
We hope you enjoyed this list of fish puns! We had a lot of fun putting it together and are definitely interested in doing more fun posts like this in the near future.
If you have any suggestions for more clever fish puns we can add or other silly article ideas you’d like to see us experiment with, just let us know!
