This post of fish puns is just about having some good old fashioned fun. Instead of the usual informative stuff we publish on this site, we thought we’d mix it up with something a little bit silly.

But like anything we write, we had to go all-out.

So we made the biggest list of fish puns online. Whether you’re looking for something clever, funny, cute, or just plain foolish we’ve got you covered!

One-Liners

  • If you keep pestering me I’m going to get a haddock
  • Well I think you’re just fintastic
  • That seems a bit fishy to me
  • Let minnow if you have any suggestions
  • He really schooled you just then
  • This is the first time I’m herring about the issue
  • This isn’t a consensus a-monk the group
  • Any fin is possible, just don’t trout yourself!
  • My dad was a fisherman, but he quit because his net income wasn’t high enough
  • Well now we’re just stuck between a rock and a hard plaice!
  • Anyone else want to place a bait?
  • If you cross me I’ll make you feel my wrasse!
  • Some people don’t like fish puns, but these are kraken me up!
  • Have you thought of the solution yet or do you need some time to mullet over?
  • That scientist is gilliant!
  • I will love you for a krill-ion years
  • I wouldn’t be cod dead wearing that
  • You’re clearly a Dab hand at this
  • It doesn’t get any betta than this
  • Salmon, call a doctor!
  • DJ’s aren’t allowed to work at fish markets because they’re always dropping the bass
  • Stop spreading those fishcious rumors
  • Who will be the sole survivor?
  • What a load of pollocks!
  • Holy carp we’re only halfway through the week
  • You should make him walk the plankton for that
  • Ahh you’re krilling me!
  • What is this aquarium website we’ve all been herring all about?
  • You betta believe it
  • Stop being so koi about it
  • We whaley need to turn this car around
  • Oh what a load of carp
  • Well salmon had to say it!
  • We’re just hoping to avoid turtle disaster at this point
  • You don’t have to be a brain sturgeon to figure it out
  • They always want to mussel in on what everyone else is doing
  • Never trust unlicensed puns – always check to see if they’re ofishal
  • They have very sofishticated taste
  • Keep your friends close and your anemones closer
  • Carp-e diem!
  • It looks like we’re piranha roll now!
  • I see you’ve met my nemo-sis
  • Cod you pass me the pepper?
  • Dear Cod, I laughed so hard!
  • I can feel that in my sole
  • I’ve haddock with these shenanigans!
  • The way they handled that is a-trout-cious
  • I’ll bait that fish can’t swim on for much longer!
  • This is neither the time nor the plaice to deal with this
  • Don’t try to gillt trip me I know exactly what you’re doing

Joke-Style Puns

What did the magician say to the fisherman?
Pick a cod, any cod!

I’ve been really into this show about fishing lately
I think it’s because it has quite an amazing cast

A funny octopus pun

Why is an octopus always ready for war?
They’re well-armed

What is a day do all fish dread?
Fry-day!

What is the first lesson fish learn at school?
The end of a hook is the point of no return

Where do lady fish keep their money when they’re out and about?
In an octurpurse

What game do fish like to play at parties?
Name that tuna!

What’s the laziest fish in the world? 
A Kipper

Why did the fish get poor grades in school?
Because it was below sea level

Why did the shark cross the road?
To get to the other tide

What did the fish astronomer say?
The universe is infinite

What is a fish’s favorite musical instrument?
The bass drum

Why was the shark so good at singing the blues?
He’s had sole

What did the fish say when eels crashed his party?
The Moray the merrier!

My father told me to never date a fisherman
They’ll only string you along

What fish stands out the most at night?
A starfish

Where do fish sleep?
In their water beds

What was the fish that stomped all over Japan?
Codzilla

Who is the most underrated member in the fish band?
Their bass player

Why did the chef leave his job at the diner?
Because he had bigger fish to fry

What did Dorothy the fish say to get back to Kansas? 
There’s no plaice like home

What did the fish say when everyone left his house? 
Tanks for coming!

What did the romantic fish want? 
A gill-friend

Did you hear about the brawl in the restaurant?
Three fish were battered!

Where do fish astronauts go?
Into trouter space

What country would fish live in if they could survive on land?
Finland of course!

How do fish stay updated on what’s going on in the ocean?
They read the current news

How do you make a fish chuckle?
Tell a whale of a tale

What is the staple of a healthy fish’s diet?
Plenty of vitamin sea

Why do fish never get married? 
They are scared of intimasea

Why is seafood healthy?
It’s really good for your mussels

Why did the fish blush? 
He saw the ocean’s bottom

What do you call a fish who doesn’t believe in violence?
A pacifisht

Why did the woman not eat her sushi? 
It looked too fishy

Why are fish so successful?
They take advantage of every opportunaty

Why did the restaurant have to throw the clams out?
They were way past their shell-by-date

How do you reach out to a fish that you haven’t seen in a while?
Just drop them a line!

If you want something done right
Don’t leave it to salmon else

A clever shark fish pun

What happens when you mix a fish and a banker? 
You get a loan shark

What is the best kind of song to listen to while fishing?
I don’t know, just something catchy!

What fish gets the most speeding tickets? 
A motor pike

Why are fish so smart?
They spend all their time in schools

A fish got caught by a fisherman
Now he’s in a boatload of trouble

Where do go for a bath?
To the river basin

Where do fish keep their money?
In the river bank

Why did the teenage fish get in trouble at school?
He was using his shell phone during class

I don’t always make fish puns
But when I do, I do it just for the halibut

What do you get if you cross a crab and a math teacher?
Snappy answers

What type of fish did the Russia Tsar request for dinner?
Tsardines

How do seahorses move so quickly?
They scallop

Who’s always employee of the month at the balloon factory?
The blowfish

Did you hear about the goldfish who lost all his money?
Now he’s a bronzefish

What’s the perfect fathers day gift for a fish?
A barbecue gill

Who makes sure the ocean is clean and tidy?
Mermaids

What is the difference between a piano and a fish?
You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish

Who takes care of injured fish?
A sturgeon

That fisherman is a very below-average boxer
All he can throw are hooks

Why is weighing a fish so simple?
Because they come with their own scales

What swims in the sea, carries a gun, and makes you an offer you can’t refuse?
The Codfather

How did the shark get into college?
Apparently it got in on a scallop-ship!

What warning did the fish teacher give to their student?
I’m going to confishcate your phone if you keep using it in class

What do fish bring to work with them each morning? 
A breefcase

What kind of fish should you call if you need a ride somewhere?
A seahorse

Why do lawyers hate having a fish as a client?
They’re always gill-ty

Why do you never see fish running large companies
They prefer to operate on a smaller scale

What’s another name for a smelly fish?
A stink ray

What song do fish listen to the most?
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you drown

Who took the baby octopus for ransom?
Squidnappers!

What do you call a fish that you bring to an event?
An Octoplus one

What did the fish say when his relationship started to flounder?
Halibut we talk and figure this out?

What do you call underwater organized criminals?
Lobsters

Why did the fish have a successful career as an actor?
It was a starfish

Have you ever met a shy fish?
They’re rather koi

What kind of seafood can you get in saunas?
Steamed mussels

Did you ever hear the story of the illiterate fisherman?
He was lost at C

What did the fish say when it ran into the big wall?
Dam

Goldfish pun text

What is the most expensive fish in the world?
The goldfish

Did you see the fish wearing the tuxedo?
He looked very sofishticated

What did the fish say to his girlfriend?
Your plaice or mine?

Where do you find an octopus that’s going through a rough time?
On squid row!

Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can’t walk

Why did the optometrist make tons of fish-eye soup?
Because it helps him see through the week

Why should fish never go into business together? 
They work better as sole operators

The fish used to have a girlfriend, but eventually he lobster
Then he floundered

Why is it hard to make a fish take responsibility? 
They say it’s always salmon else’s fault

How many fish does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only one, an electric eel

What TV show do fish like the most?
Tuna Half Men

Did you hear about the fish that got injured at the gym?
He pulled a muscle

What did the fish boss say to his employee?
Cod I borrow you for five minutes?

Why don’t sharks ever pay sticker price when they’re shopping?
Because they are sale-fish

What do you get if you cross a priest with a trout?
A monkfish!

Who is the leader of the underwater transformers?
Octopus Prime

Where do fish go to work?
The offish

What did the employee say to his boss?
I’ll dolphinitely have those reports on your desk by the end of the day

Why do companies run by fish never last long? 
They’re always needing to scale back

What do you call a lazy crustacean?
A slobster

What do you say to a fish when it’s getting upset?
You need to clam down

How do you get an octopus to laugh?
Give it tentacles

The chef of that extremely busy seafood restaurant seems tired all the time
Yeah, he has a lox on his plate

What does the Loch Ness Monster eat?
Fish-n-ships

What did the shark’s friends tell her when her relationship ended?
There are plenty of other fish in the sea

How do you tuna fish?
Just adjust their scales

What kind of fish go to heaven? 
Angelfish

What TV shows do young fish like?
Cartunas

How did the dolphin get enough money to buy their car?
It prawned everything else!

How do shellfish get to the hospital?
They get picked up by a clambulance

What do you call an aquatic social network?
Fishbook

What game do fish play at parties?
Salmon says

What does a fish wear to keep warm in the winter?
A shoal!

What did the nervous fish say in the haunted house?
I’m outta this plaice!

What phrase is written on fish dollar bills?
In cod we trust

Scientists have just discovered that sharks can also squirt ink
Just squidding!

Did I tell you I checked out that new seafood restaurant?
I’m totally hooked

What happened to the fish who swallowed his keys?
He got lockjaw!

Where do fish practice their yoga?
The river bend

Who do fish pray to?
Cod Almighty

Why was the fish such a valuable employee at the charity?
He was reely good at findraising

What do you get when you cross a jacket with an octopus?
A coat of arms

What’s the name for a fish that can give you a face-lift?
A plastic sturgeon

Why didn’t they like the fisherman?
Because he was too shellfish

How do fish visit their favorite websites?
They visit the internet

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a fish?
One is a scum-sucking scavenger and the other is just a fish

What do you call a naked fish?
Bareacudas

We hope you enjoyed this list of fish puns! We had a lot of fun putting it together and are definitely interested in doing more fun posts like this in the near future.

If you have any suggestions for more clever fish puns we can add or other silly article ideas you’d like to see us experiment with, just let us know!